Last night I’ve got a call from a friend. She was so confused and scared, asking question after question. She didn’t really wanted answers. She just wanted someone to decide for herself.

Let me say, once again, I’m all the way for supporting you! But I’m not going to say: do that or choose this. It’s like you’d make a pact with you know who….Why giving up your FREE WILL so easily??

Sometimes it can be scary to face a situation when you’re forced to take some decisions. It could ask for some risks, more work, responsibilities, uncertainties or even new beginnings. You could experience fear of the unknown or fear that you’re not going to be able to deal with the situation.

Are you afraid of the truth? I guess it seems easier to let someone decide for yourself so later on you could say: wasn’t my decision. I should have done better. Don’t kid yourself. It’s good to be childish from time to time but that’s not the right time.

No therapist or life coach will tell you what to do. We could help you gain more clarity and let go of the fears or the past. We can point your limitations. We can listen to you and help you release the anger or frustration. We won’t judge and won’t criticize.

No one will guarantee you what’s the right answer or the best decision. Should I turn right or left? Like when you’re driving, look at your right, look at your left. Take another look and then move forward.

Yes, it could happen to take the wrong decision. It happened to all of us at least once. I know this is not comforting and doesn’t make your fears go away. The most important thing is to pay attention to everything around you. Look at the situation like you weren’t involved. It will be easy to treat it neutral and see the right answer. You can also make lists with pros and cons.

Whatever your decision will be, I highly advise you to choose based on your own intuition, your own dreams and desires. It is about life and your own happiness. Don’t spoil the most precious gift.

What if you already made a mistake?

Years ago, when I relocated to USA, I thought it was the worst decision I could take. I hated it. I hated that I gave up my consulting company back home. I hated the constant rain. I missed my parents. I missed the food. I was the only one wearing heels when everybody else was wearing sneakers. I’m human but felt like I was from another planet!

As long as I felt sorry for myself, kept complaining and looked only at the negative parts nothing changed. I was feeling depressed.

Everything changed when I began to do things for changing the situation. I started volunteering in senior retirement centers. I went again to school. I made new friends. I learnt to cook Indian food.

Pretty soon I felt like I belonged here. I felt I was part of the community. People were calling me, inviting me to their celebrations or parties. I was receiving thank you cards and flowers from the seniors. It felt wonderful.

I was happy and I couldn’t understand why? I wasn’t making any money yet. I was just a volunteer. Yes, but later, I got the best business recommendations from these people. After years, these people are still calling me to say Happy Birthday!

If you think you made a mistake or took a bad decision there’s no time for self-pity. First, you have to accept the mistake and let go of the regrets, blame etc. Then, like I usually say, regroup. Clear your mind. Clear your desk or do whatever helps you clear your thoughts. Have some lemonade. Buy a nice book. Go to a concert.

Second, write the consequences/effects of your decision. Take each one and see which one has the biggest impact on your life/career/future.

Third, look for solutions that will help you minimize the effects. I’d say that most of the times, the smallest issues will have the biggest impact. It’s funny and not logical but this is what I find every day in my practice.

Most important thing, don’t let yourself discouraged if you feel there’s no way out. Dead ends may look like this today but tomorrow might look different. Every time you’re too emotional you’ll bring in mental confusion and doubts. If you think and then come back to the same thought, you’ll end up making the situation to seem even worse.

No matter what bad decision you took, there will always be someone or something that could help you. You just have to find your courage and take a good look around you.

Wishing you only good decisions in 2010,

Iuliana

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